On body positivity – we as allies are allowed to just be quiet

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Not a day goes by lately where you don’t see a pretty, thin, white, able-bodied, middle class woman talking about body positivity on the internet.

All over social media they are spreading the word about ‘loving your body as it is, no matter what size’ as they scrunch themselves up in the mirror to show us their tummy rolls. And it’s, for lack of a better word, exhausting.

It’s fluff. It’s distracting. And it completely erases the queer fat femmes who started it the movement originally as fat acceptance.

I am wearing an H&M ribbed polo neck*, an old Alexa Chung for M&S Wellington jumper in pink* with Lovedrobe leopard print and polka dot contrast leg trousers* and Topshop Ciara trainers (old, sold out – similar here from Public Desire*).

Now, as I am a size UK 16 (US 14) woman, I technically fall under the ‘plus size’ category that most retailers put everyone over a size 10 into.

But I have the privilege to be able to go into (pretty much) every high street retailer and be able to find something to put on my body in some way, shape or form.

Most women above my size don’t have that luxury.  

When it comes to body positivity, when it comes to fat acceptance, I am an ally in this space. It’s my place to shut up and listen while doing the most active work to make sure their voices and their stories get told before mine.

Nobody cares how confident I feel in a bikini.

Because as allies, it’s not about us.

Even if we can relate. Even if it’s a subject that hits close to home, or is about something or someone we hold dear.

The body positivity movement is riddled with celebrities like Louise Thompson trying to publish fitness and weight loss books titled ‘Body Positivity’ where she was LITERALLY trying to get readers to sculpt their bodies into something perceived as ‘more beautiful’.

And Hollywood actress Jameela Jamil starting an entire Instagram account dedicated as to ‘how amazing we are beyond the flesh of our bones’ – essentially being credited for the movement while she continues to bulldoze the voices of the most marginalised in the space she so aggressively says she’s trying to lift up.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying celebrities shouldn’t be using their voices and their platforms for good. Nor am I saying that celebrities cannot be activists (there have been and continue to be many). But they should not be looked to, or looked up to in these spaces.

Jamil is also one of the faces of the newly launched aerie campaign which has launched without featuring a single fat woman – again, inclusivity at surface level only.

Skin-deep.

It’s like the pink-washed feminism we’ve seen since 2017 when Topshop started selling t-shirts emblazoned FEMINIST.

It is marketing for a brand. It co-opts the fat acceptance movement and completely erases fat people from their own narrative.

They are trying to make out that all of us are the same, when in fact, their sizing only goes up to a 40DD and an XXL (size US 16/UK 18).

Body positivity…where?

As a feminist and an ally, I’m constantly trying to learn greater nuance and unlearn bad habits.

But it’s important to remember that whether or not your activism comes from a good place, sometimes it’s best to step back and lift up the voices of other people who know and experience more than you.  

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If you’d like to read more about fat acceptance in greater detail, please check out these brilliant women below who have been working hard in this movement for a long time:

Stephanie Yeboah aka Nerd About Town who speaks about this eloquently on the Blogtacular Podcast

Callie Thorpe

Grace Victory

Megan Jayne Crabbe, aka Body Posi Panda

Jessamyn Stanley

Melissa Fabello, PhD

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Photography by Kaye Ford